Guess what? James Needham asked Lisa Sanders to homecoming, and she said yes. I have very mixed feelings about this. At first, I was just shocked. When the realization started to sink in, I was, I guess, a little jealous. OK, a lot jealous. Why hadn’t he asked me? This had erased every little thought (maybe hope) that he still liked me from my mind.

I’m so confused about James. I’m pretty sure I don’t like him, yet I’m upset that he doesn’t like me. Does that make sense? I guess I just can’t stand the thought of seeing him with another girl. I know that’s selfish of me, but it’s true.

Then, yesterday, when I was talking on the phone with Kimberly McComb, she told me one of James’ friends asked her if she thought I would go to homecoming with James if he asked me. SHE SAID NO. Argggggg! Of all the luck!

Oh, well, I guess everything will work out for the best. Of course, Kimberly doesn’t have to worry about anything except finding a dress. She’s got a date to homecoming with Bob Smith. Really, I’m not that scornful about the situation. I don’t even like James anymore. If we had gone to homecoming together, it would have messed things up between us.

I guess it’s going to be one lonely Sat. Oct. 5, 1991 for me!!

This morning, I woke up to, “I’ll Be There” [on my clock radio], and had a sudden flashback to the first time I heard it. I was weeding the garden in our back yard one July morning while listening to the radio. It was a little while before Dad and I left for Toledo to cheer Jeremy on on his baseball tournament.

It was 6:20 on a Monday morning and never in my life did I mourn summer the way I did while I laid in that bed. “If only I could go back,” I kept thinking. To be in Aspen again, anytime during the summer. My life is just speeding by too quickly. Before I know it, high school will be over and I’ll be out of the house.

I just remembered something. I’ve had my braces off for exactly one year tomorrow.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like “the girl without a clique,” which is good, but I’m so used to having that old “girl scout” clique. Now, we’ve all grown apart for the most part, and I almost feel lost without it, like I’m floating without any solid foundation of friends to rest my feet on. I guess I really became too dependent upon that group of girls. But then again, I had a group of them spend the night about a month ago (Lisa Fink’s surprise birthday party) and found out I really couldn’t stand most of them.

I guess it’s not that I particularly miss the group of girls, but more the security of always having a seat saved for you at lunch, or someone to call if you needed to talk. If I had to name someone as my best friend it would probably be Christina Mello, though, it’s not official. I feel like I can really trust her. Another person is Melissa Sullivan, but I just don’t see her much anymore.

I was allowed to start playing tennis again on Thursday. I couldn’t believe how much I missed it! Now that I’ve started playing again, I feel like all the power and skill that I’ve gained was lost and I have to start all over again. For instance, on Friday, Lisa beat me and I just know that I could have beaten her. Now I’ve moved down to 19 and worse yet, I have to play Christina next. Arrrg!

Today I went to Dr. Smith’s and found out I have tendinitis in my right shoulder. Oh, great. Also, I can’t play another tennis match at least for a week. Even greater. Plus, we lost our match against Strongsville, which I couldn’t play in anyway.

Today was my very first day of high school. It’s really hard to believe. My mom and brother waved to me as I walked up to the fence which led to the school. As I walked down the path to the door of the fence, my sides brushed against the branches of the pine trees. I felt like I was walking through the corn field in “Field of Dreams,” into a new life. As I walked up to those dark, ominous doors of the high school, I never wanted so much to turn around and run back to my mother. But I was brave, and walked through those doors.

I felt so small and forgotten walking through the crowd of upperclassmen. At first, it was scary, but slowly the faces in my classes looked more familiar. I think I like high school.

When I got home, my mom said she cried her eyes out after I left for school.

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Track ended on Wednesday with the Invitational. Believe it or not, I got to participate in it for discus. I didn’t place, though.

For the fourth year in a row, Medina won the Invitational. It was a glorious moment! When we were handed that huge trophy and got to jog around the track once with it, I was on such a high for the rest of the night.

My last Junior High dance for the rest of my life was last night. Before that was the eighth grade picnic. I talked to all the different people I had gotten to know this year. It was nice.

It’s really hard to believe eighth grade is almost over and that pretty soon, I’ll be in high school. I loved eighth grade, and really don’t want it to end. So many things happened and I’ve changed so much. Sometimes I wish life was like a movie in a VCR and you could rewind and replay your favorite parts. Instead, once you’ve lived something, it’s gone forever, living only in your memory.

Yesterday night was our last day dance. In a way, it’s a nice thought considering I hated most day dances, but in another way, it’s sad because it’s a sign that my Junior High days are running out.

In a way, it’s the last phase of the innocent, protected childhood I’ve lived with all my life. I’m not quite sure what to expect out of high school. Just the thought of it makes my stomach ache.

After the dance, I was going to go to Kimberly McComb’s house and just as I was about to leave, my mom suddenly hugged me.

This picture was taken at a junior high dance.

“I can’t believe how much you’ve grown,” she said, as tears moistened her eyes.

All I could manage to spit out was, “You always get like this around your birthday.”